A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Settling? Is it ok to do so? Im a almost 22 year old college student, with a job and who's saved up enough cash to buy a car! Im soooo excited! I have no kids and Im moving into my apartment this summer! :-D Im doing great for myself, well i think so. But when i think about my love life i never had a boyfriend. Im a beautiful young lady, i get numbers from guys but they guys aren't my type or they are doing not so great. Meaning they have no job, not in school or just want sex and can't take me out on a date! Some even have 2 kids and their my age. I know what some of you may say that i should stay focus on school and i know i should but Im just so curious to know what its like to have a boyfriend. If Im not studying Im at home every weekend by myself or shopping. I just want to be happier, and go on dates and to be wanted from a guy that i like :( my friends are taken so they don't understand. They say i should settle but i don't want too but me not settling hasn't gotten me far? Im still sexless, Im still alone and Im still wondering why haven't I Met a great guy that's for me? I get sad at times. Now more so than ever. Im getting older. Even when I try to give guys a chance that Im not attracted too they only want sex from me. Im not having sex, its been almost 2 years. Im proud of that but i really do miss having sex. I only had 1 sexual partner. So my question is should i settle? Im scared ill end up alone forever waiting on my Mr. Good enough that will Never come? I know Im young but i can't help but think like that. Im also scared that ill end up like those beautiful successful woman who has everything but a man? I hope Im makin sense. This is really making me sad. Especially when my friends all go on dates and tell me how much they love their boyfriends and how happy they are. I want that feeling now!!! Im sorry if i sound like Im a loser Aunts. But this is just how i feel. I wish i knew what date a great guy will become my boyfriend, like going to a lady who can read my future ! But Im scared she will tell me something bad lol. Thanks for reading... I feel a little better expressing myself instead of holding my feelings in and telling everyone Im happy!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): I understand what you mean when you say , I don't want to be beatifull career woman but without a man. My actually two girlfriends from school ended up never getting married, but made great careers. You shouldnt settle, but may be lower a little your standards. It sounds like the same, but it's not in fact. When I met my husband he had no job, but college degree. He dressed terribly, and had weird friends. I f I paid attention to that we would never get married and have our kids, and I would never have a wonderfull life he gave me.I looked at him as a person, if we are compatible, what personal qualities he has. I saw a man who is willing and capable to work hard and support his family, but in a present time he has no job. 3 months later he found a good job, and finally took me out on a date. And before we just hang out in his or mine houses, or went to multiple house parties that cost $10 for a bottle of wine. If you have very strict measures on how it's supposed to be, than you will have a tough time finding just the guy for you. May be that's explains your lack of boyfriends. My two friends were very picky. One of them is a doctor, who wanted someone her own success level, well, she found no one her level that wanted to marry her. Another one wanted a man with money. I don't want him to be rich rich, but I don't want to live in need. Fair enough, but there was no one out there until she found a guy 20 years older, who she is with now. He has plenty, but he is also married. She never had any kids, and now she's in her 40 s, a little late for that. It's not that you need to settle, but try may be to see other advantages in a person, And not all men only want sex, believe me. I ve met plenty who actually very much against meaningless sex.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 March 2013):
DON'T SETTLE! You can meet your future husband at any stage in life. I dated throughout my 20's but didn't find the "right" girl until I was 29. I'm glad I waited and was able to enjoy my youth.
You should travel. Go on an adventure!
Besides, 22 isn't old at all where I'm from. Most people I know either still aren't married in their mid-thirties or waited until their late 20's.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2013): Coming from experience, settling for someone is not exactly the best thing to do. Settling says that you're desperate for companionship and you'll do anything it takes to keep that companionship. Giving your all to someone that doesn't deserve you. They'll walk all over you and they'll get away with it too because they know that you think you need them, when in all reality, you don't need them at all. Just keep being yourself and the right person will eventually show up. Patience is a virtue. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (5 March 2013):
 I went through the same thing at your age and you will survive and you WILL find a boyfriend, trust me.
It certainly sounds like your chips are falling into place. You've got a lot of things going for you and for that you deserve a lot of credit.
But for most guys yours age they are looking for quick hook-ups or lack the stability to commit to a real relationship. It sounds like you are weeding through the cruft.
I'd urge you to do the following things:
1) Get on a dating site. Also expand your horizons into slightly older men. Older men have a bit more sophistication and have a greater appreciation for stable women. They also have more means about them in terms of money and career growth. On dating sites, you can express what exactly you are looking for and potentially avoid disasters.
2) Focus on yourself. Continue building your nest egg, your education and your career. Boyfriends can cause drama and cause you to get derailed from your dreams (just ask your friends how many tears they've shed when their boyfriends have disappointed them). Those guys with kids: guess what, their dreams are a fraction of yours. You are totally unencumbered in your life; take advantage of it!
3) If you want to find quality guys, be sure you are hanging around in quality places. If you go out to night clubs and questionable bars, don't be surprised if you find players. Get involved in your community or community events (or church events). There are many good catches there.
4) Also, don't look at guys as marriage material -- at least right off the bat. That can make you hyper sensitive to believing that you aren't compatible. You still don't really know what compatible and your type is... don't be afraid to hang out as friends for a date or two. You might be surprised what you like and what you don't.
Finally, be patient. Dating the wrong guy (at least seriously dating the wrong guy) can lead to life altering events. Be sure you find the right guy and not just a guy for right now so that you can say you have a boyfriend. There is no rushing true love.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 March 2013):
At this age, people who achieve a lot for themselves get a little impatient. So all I'm saying is try to have some more patience. Dating goes both ways so if YOU see a guy, feel free to take charge and seize the moment, ask him out. You are still young and have a looooooong life ahead of you. Continue to do the things that you love and enjoy each day as it reaches. I'm sure you have lot going on for yourself, like you said, smart, pretty and independent so always remember to be thankful for what you do have than what you don't have. Always keep an open mind because the guys at your age aren't thinking the same way you do. They want to enjoy their college of their freedom and aren't totally ready to be tied down. Not all guys are like this of course, but knowledge is power! Keep looking ahead and I am sure you will find the extra bit of happiness you are looking for. :)
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A
male
reader, Ecoatz +, writes (5 March 2013):
Hello my "beautiful young lady". Instead of focusing on what you should be getting from guys, focus on what you should be giving. Guys want the same love and attention you want, not just sex. If you are pretty like you say, and bound for success like you say, it shouldn't be hard to find a decent guy worth giving your attention to. Give a guy a REAL chance. Accept and respect them for who they are rather than focusing on what they can't offer you Then maybe they will give you a chance as well by considering you more than a piece of ass.
Give love to receive love. Give respect to receive respect.
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